Hand of Thorns Read online

  I stare at the doorway where Ellie had exited through mere minutes ago. I wonder if that is Leon's reason for staying with her, or if it's something else altogether. Even with the guilt, I’m not sure I can find the strength to end what is happening. I've fallen too far. I'm probably going to hell for it all, but as long as Ellie doesn't find out, she can't get hurt.

  Right?

  "I'm Rae by the way. I'll come back and check on you in a bit. Drink the water, and it should all go away."

  "Thank you. I appreciate everything."

  "You're welcome." She walks out into the hallway, pulling the door closed as she does.

  I close my eyes, resting while the cramping flares up suddenly, the pain intensifying. Maybe this is my karma for everything I'm doing wrong- or maybe this is normal and I wasn't warned how painful it could be. Maybe it's a little bit of both.

  Turning to my side, I reach for a bottle of water and sip some down, then I stay curled into a ball. The pain slowly goes away after a minute, until I get another bout of pain a few minutes later. I groan while I try to breathe through it.

  "What is it? What's wrong?" His voice startles me before it rapidly begins to soothe.

  I peek over at this silhouette before the door closes, then it's only his shadow I see. Seemingly concerned, he kneels down in front of me, his face finally viewable- and extremely comforting. "I'm just cramping. I'm sure it'll all be fine."

  "Yeah, that's what Rae was saying. She thinks it's Braxton Hicks."

  "That is what I assumed, but wasn't sure."

  He pushes some of the blanket aside to rest his hand on my stomach. "I'm sorry, beautiful. Can I get you anything?"

  "I think I have everything I need now." I stare at him, wondering if he'll understand exactly what I mean.

  Suddenly we both stare at one another in astonishment. "Did she...?"

  Before he finishes his question, I start to nod, placing my hand next to where his is. "Yes. She did."

  Suddenly the thumping in my belly starts again, this time a bit stronger. "She's kicking," he coos. Leon presses his lips against the pitter patter. I had zero expectancy that my heart could actually grow any more than it already had. He looks over at me again, smiling sweetly. "This is the first time, isn't it?"

  "Yeah."

  Pressing a hard kiss to my stomach, he then wraps his hands over the sides of my face, staring at me lovingly. The connection between us inconceivable. "You're doing an amazing job."

  I hold one of his hands against my skin, loving the soft tenderness of his touch. His words equally as soothing. "Thank you, baby," I whisper, leaning into his touch.

  "I'm going to go get Ellie, I think she should feel this, too." He stands up suddenly, looking down at me with his sincere smile, but mine's faded completely. "I'm sorry, beautiful. It's just... this is her baby. You know? I think she'd like to know the baby's finally kicking."

  "Yeah, yeah, I get it. It's fine. Yeah, go ahead."

  He stares at me with indifference. I'm holding on to the hope that he'll wait until the next time Spud kicks, but he turns around. As he walks out the room, the string he's tied around my heart pulls away too, separating the rips he previously mended, breaking the mold.

  I turn to my side, holding my stomach in my hands as I close my eyes, begging the tears not to come. Leon may attempt to show little emotion, he may try to be tough and act strong willed, but I also have known from early on that he has a heart made of gold- and I remind myself of this. I let myself know that it's perfectly okay that he got Spud's real mom to come in here to feel her kick, because that is what any man with a heart should do. In some ways it hurts, but in the other ways it makes me happy to know he's caring.

  Either way, I don't want to feel any more broken when they arrive, so I feign sleep.

  It isn't much longer the door creeks open and you can hear whispers. "I think she's sleeping." It sounds like Rae.

  "Good, hopefully that means she's feeling better." The voice is certainly Ellie.

  I haven't heard Leon, but I can sense him without a doubt. A hand presses against my stomach and it's Ellie's voice I hear once more. "I don't feel anything." I want to tell her to switch to the other side, but that'd defeat the purpose of fake sleeping, so I wait. Eventually her hand moves and she slides it right over another light thump, I'm not even sure she can feel it. "Oh, I think this is it!"

  "Let me feel." Another hand presses where Ellie's just was. Rae's voice whispers. "Yup, that is definitely a kick. A strong one, too."

  "Oh, I'm so excited!" Ellie gushes. "Do you mind giving us a couple minutes?"

  "Of course, I'll head back down and start preparing for present time."

  The door clicks shut and Ellie's hand is suddenly gone. "So how did you know the baby was kicking?" She asks. Any hint of sweetness and excitement gone in an instant.

  "I came in to check on her," Leon answers. His voice sounds timid. I hate the chills I suddenly get from them- but at the same time, it warms me everywhere. There is something so sultry about how he speaks.

  "So..." She questions. "You came in here, alone, in a dark bedroom, to check on her? And you happened to feel the baby kick?"

  "I never said I felt the baby kick, all I said was the baby is kicking, do you want to come feel."

  "I don't like it. You don't need to be alone with her."

  "What is your deal Eleanor? You want me to be involved. You don't want me involved. You tell me you want to marry me one second then act like a psycho the next. We're here to celebrate the baby and our growing family, so let's get downstairs and do that." His tone doesn't change, despite his frustration. However, everything going on around me suddenly makes my cramps increase, and I have to do everything to breathe normal through them and not flinch, because more than ever I don't want to give any hints to the fact I'm actually awake.

  I can hear Ellie sigh. "This is ridiculous, Leon. I'm not trying to fight with you or ruin anything. I just find it fucked up you're in here alone with her."

  "What do you think is going to happen?"

  I'm kind of curious what she thinks as well- I was just wondering tonight if she knew anything.

  "I don't know," she hisses. "But we haven't had sex in months!"

  All I hear after that is silence, for at least a solid two minutes. Leon finally says softly, "I'm sorry. I've been busy with work, you know that."

  "I know," she whines. "I'm so sick of it though. You're bringing me on a vacation soon, just you and I."

  It takes him a bit to answer again, but I finally hear him say, "Okay. You plan it, we'll go, as soon as I'm done with this film."

  "Good, now let's go back to our guests so we can open presents."

  "I'm not sitting there opening presents, I've been telling you that."

  "Well you're surely not staying in here."

  "No shit, Eleanor. I'll be in my office."

  The door opens and I don't hear anything for quite some time. Minutes slowly fade by while I lay here, breathing through each cramp that becomes less and less. The kicking stopped sometime during their argument, so I don't even have any kind of entertainment, except the frustrating thoughts racing through my head.

  I squeal with a start when a hand touches against my hip. "I'm sorry about that baby," I hear Leon whisper. "I didn’t mean to argue with her in front of you."

  I'm not sure if Leon is speaking with me or Spud, so I let him continue. Except it's not his words that continue, it's his hand. He traces his fingers towards the hem of my skirt, then lightly up my leg to where my underwear are. I'm frozen in place, unsure of how to react.

  "I know you're awake," his whispers against my ear. His fingers dip into my underwear, pressing against my bud. "You're a naughty girl for listening to us the way you did." I moan from his touch. "Oh, you like this?"

  "Mm."

  Pressing kisses against the back of my ear, Leon continues to assault my clit with her fingers. As my body starts to tremble against his touch, he bites down on
my lobe. "I love hearing you come," he murmurs. "I love all the sounds you make."

  Without much thought I whimper out, "And I love… you."

  He pauses with his fingers against me, then slips them out from under my dress. "No you don't, Monica. I'm not worth loving."

  I turn to look at him, face to face with the man I could spend the rest of my life with- and he's trying to tell me he's not worthy of my heart. "Why would you say that?"

  "I'm a fucked up person, I've told you that."

  "That doesn't mean anything. I didn't say I love your perfection, Leon, I said I love you. That includes your flaws. Why would you stop me from doing that?"

  "Because you're too special, I don't want to hurt you."

  It's hard to see Leon's features in the dark, but I know his steel eyes are staring back at me attentively. I want to will away his self harm. I want him to see himself the way I do. Most of all, I want him to allow me to love him- and in the process, I want him to love me completely, too. "I'm going to end up hurt either way," I tell him. "All I'm saying is the pain is worth it, when I can have you."

  He rests his hand on my hip while he leans in to kiss the tip of my nose. "You're going to wake up one day and find out that I wasn't worth any of this."

  "If you truly believe everything you're saying, then why are you still here?" I don't want him to leave, but I want a better answer to his madness.

  "Because I'm too weak to walk away."

  "Do you... do you love me, too?" I stutter, almost too terrified to ask.

  The side of his mouth lifts. "Since the moment I set eyes on you." It's unconventional in so many ways, but I take it. I'll take any part of Leon I can have, and if he loves me, then I'm only going to love him even more.

  He lays with me for a few minutes, the two of us not saying a word, but holding onto one another. All too quickly though, he pulls away from me, standing from the bed. "I need to get back down to my office."

  "When will I see you again?" I ask, kind of nervous for the answer.

  "I'll call you this week."

  "I love you," I whisper.

  I'm actually shocked when I hear him softly answer back, "I love you, too, Monica." Before walking out the door.

  Chapter Thirteen

  December 19th

  I arrive to Leon's parent's home, parking my car seconds after watching him park his own. He steps out from the driver's seat, sliding his glasses to the top of his head and heading straight for the front door, as Ellie steps out of the opposite side of the car. She's dressed to the nines, head to toe in designer clothing and heals at least five inches tall. Her one piece romper reminds me of something you'd see a Kardashian wear to an award ceremony, with her cleavage well aware. Her face is masked in large sunglasses, and her hair done to perfection, although a bit over the top.

  I can hardly sit behind the steering wheel without my stomach touching, so today I'm wearing black yoga leggings and an oversized red and green sweater which surprisingly doesn't make me feel like a whale. I have a bit of mascara on with a touch of blush and matching lip-gloss. I like to stay simplified, which is why my hair is also down with curled ends. I'm going to feel extremely out of place if his family all dresses like Ellie- their house is large enough to assume they probably do dress Hollywood, too.

  I step out of my car, and Ellie faces me with a tight lipped smile. "You look very... festive."

  "Thanks. You look good, too," I tell her.

  She looks as though she's chewing on the inside of her lip, but since her glasses are so big, I can't see if she's in a good mood or annoyed. We're not around anyone, so she doesn't have her fake appearance quite yet- and yes, I caught the hidden remark. She never actually complimented me.

  However, Ellie is the one that invited me to Leon's family's annual Christmas party. She thought it somehow important for me to be involved, since her family is going to be here as well. My mom was more skeptical of it than I was, but she had a meeting tonight and couldn't join- despite being invited by Ellie as well. I wasn't going to go at all, until the other day when Leon convinced me, saying he'd love for me to meet his family, and that they'd love to meet me too.

  I walk into the foyer behind Ellie, and in an instant an older lady dressed in an ugly Christmas sweater and a pair of leggings with elves all over them comes to give me a giant squeeze before rubbing my stomach. She has frizzy white hair piled on her head with strands of hair falling around her face. Her eyes extremely familiar, even being surrounded by crow’s feet. "Oh, it's so great to meet you, I'm Sherilyn, Leon's mom! You must be the infamous Monica, I've heard a number about you."

  "Oh, you have?" I question, ignoring the glare I'm currently receiving from Ellie.

  "Yes. He has gushed about how wonderful you've been as a surrogate. I don't think him and Eleanor could have chosen a better woman to carry their child. Thank you, by the way, for doing what you're doing. That's my granddaughter in there." She continues to rub my belly. "You look radiant too, may I add. You're a beautiful young lady. Come, come in, and meet the rest of the family."

  "Yeah, of course. Do you want me to remove my shoes?" I still feel uncomfortable, but not nearly as much as I had assume I'd be.

  "Oh, no, don't worry about it. Come on in." She stops when she realizes Ellie is standing there. "You look absolutely beautiful, Eleanor. Why don't you come in and say hello to everyone. We were just asking Leon where you were hiding."

  Ellie places her sunglasses down with her pocketbook on a side table and follows along us, not saying a thing to Sherilyn.

  A large group of people are all standing around in the living room where an insanely tall Christmas tree stands proudly, decorated straight from a magazine, millions of presents surrounding it. She walks me over to a man whom looks like an older version of Leon, except with green eyes. "This is my husband, Leon's father, Ronald. Ron, honey, this is Monica."

  He smiles but he isn't nearly as kind and wholehearted. "Good meeting you." He turns to speak with whomever he is talking with.

  "This is Leon's uncle, George." George says nothing, so I turn to look around at the other people. She introduces me to a couple more aunts, uncles and cousins, then she walks me over to where Ellie stands with an older spitting image of herself. "This is Eleanor's mother, Allison. Allison, this is Monica. I'm sure you've heard some marvelous stories about her." I love that Leon's mom truly seems genuinely happy with meeting me, and her gushing words seem legit.

  "Yes, I've heard some stories." She eyes me up and down disapprovingly. "How are you feeling?"

  "Oh, pretty good," I answer shyly. Now I know where Ellie's glares have been perfected from. "The waddling has begun though, that isn't much fun."

  "Yeah, you're pretty big for only being what? Five months?"

  "Well, two days away from six months."

  "So five months still. Well, at least she's healthy. Right?"

  I suddenly feel hideous and huge, and I definitely do not like Ellie's mom. "Yes, extremely healthy."

  "Oh, I have no doubt she is," Sherilyn interrupts. "Look at her, she looks fabulous! Come, dearie, we have a few more people to meet."

  It ends up being hit or miss with the pool of people, and at the end of introductions I wind up in the kitchen with Sherilyn, helping her set up a few of the platters. "Did you prepare all of this?" I ask, setting up the mountain of cupcakes, all frosted to perfection in green with red sprinkles.

  "Yes. I went to school for Culinary Arts, but thanks to my boys and hardworking husband, I was able to retire early. I still love cooking and baking though, so any time I have a reason to do so, I'm in the kitchen." Which explains her incredible array of foods; from pastries, cookies, and cake, to a baked ham, and every side dish imaginable. It also explains her kitchen, which is something I couldn't even dream of having.

  "It all looks amazing." My stomach gurgles, I can't wait to try some.

  She walks over and hands me a piece of peanut brittle. "This is my mother's recipe."


  I take a bite and immediately love it. "Wow, this is amazing." Which in return makes me want to try out all the other food as well. "You definitely have a talent."

  "Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it." A second later she speaks in a harsher tone, but you can still sense the sweetness within her. "About time. I have been wondering where you disappeared to. I had to walk Monica around and introduce her to all the company while you were off piddle fitting."

  "Sorry, Ma. I was out at the garage with Rich. He was showing me the new wrap on his bike."

  "Oh, it's so nice, isn't it? I'm proud of that boy. Where is he?"

  "He's coming. He had to stop in the bathroom."

  I turn to look over at Leon. He's staring at me with the smallest of smirks. "Glad you could make it," he says softly. Tossing a homemade baked chip into his mouth. "I see Ma put you right to work."

  "I offered."

  "Because some people respect me enough to offer." His mom throws a dishrag at him. "Help a couple ladies out. Bring those dishes out to the dining table, please."

  "Of course, Ma'am." He walks over to the table next to me, brushing his skin against mine as he reaches for the cupcake tower I finished seconds ago. "You look beautiful," he whispers softly, giving me a wink before walking away.

  He does a second trip while I load cheese, crackers, and peperoni onto another serving dish. In walks Ellie laughing at something someone is telling her. The man she walks in could pass as Leon's twin- except where Leon has constant dishelved hair, this other man is a few inches taller and his hair is shaved down to a few prickles.

  They both eye me at the same time, as Leon comes back in behind them, throwing his hand over the other man's shoulder. "This here is my main man, Richard. Fuck face, this is Monica."

  He places a hand out for me to shake. "It's certainly a blessing to meet you, Monica. I'm Richard."

  "Nice to meet you as well," I tell him. He squeezes my hand when I give it a shake. He smells of gasoline, probably due to the bike Leon was just speaking of.

  "Do you need help with anything?" Stepping forward he takes the platter I'm holding. "Dining room, right?"