Forgive Me Page 8

  I stop him before he can say any more. I know he is confused. He knows I’m not a virgin, so of course he only assumes I’ve had sex since. Little does he know how very wrong that is. “I’ve only had sex once.” I really hope it doesn’t ruin the mood.

  His brows lift in complete surprise. “Oh,” he says. There is a long awkward pause and I have an internal debate if I should really be doing this right now or not. Its one of those moments that since I’m here, I may as well finish whats been started, but at the same time, it really hasn’t been started. I’m so tight and he is so large.

  Finally he speaks again. “If this is too much for you, we don’t have to do this.” I watch him swallow and the worry in his eyes.

  I don’t think on it anymore, I just say the first thing that comes to mind. “I want this, Tanner. Please. Just be easy with me.”

  The smile that shines down to me makes me realize that I made the right decision. Well, at least I think I did.

  I inhale through my nose and when Tanner pushes himself into me with one hard thrust, I exhale the breath out of my mouth. A ragged, vocal outburst leaves my mouth as well, but I couldn’t begin to describe the noise I made. Somewhere between a pleasuring moan, a painful screech, and a holy-shit-this-is-happening squeal.

  Tanner pauses inside me, allowing me to adjust to his size. Then he pushes in more. More! I thought he was completely in me, but oh how wrong I was. Once he really is completely inside me, he leans down and starts showering my face in kisses.

  “Is this okay?” he whispers between kisses.

  After a hard swallow, I nod my head and smile the best I can. “Yes.”

  He pulls back and pushes forth again, and I have to focus my attention on the ceiling over his shoulder. Once the pain is manageable and it becomes more pleasuring- not enough so to get me off- I focus my attention on Tanner. He just watches me, his mouth parted, while he pants out pleasuring breaths. So many sensations are running through my body and mind, I’m not able to focus for long.

  “I’m not going to last much longer,” he says in a ragged breath.

  I bite down on my lip and close my eyes, trying my best to focus strictly on the pleasure of the situation, I know without a doubt I’m going to come. “Its okay,” I tell him. And it is. I think I’m ready for this to be done for the first time. Next time, if there is a next time, I’m going to focus solely on the pleasure of the situation, not the pain or the awkwardness.

  Tanner’s hands find my hair and with a small pull, he pushes himself full force inside of me, and as his body shakes, I can hear him slightly grunting in my ear. He releases a long breath, which tingles my neck, then he pulls his head back and watches me contently.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t get you off,” he says. His face actually looks pained and full or regret.

  My hands lay on either cheek and I smile honestly up at him. “That was incredible. All of it.” And it’s the honest to God truth.

  His smile spreads from ear to ear before leaning down and taking my mouth against his once more. When he removes himself from me, he looks down and I watch as his eyes enlarge. I look to where his gaze is to see a lot of blood. Great, I’m going to be so freaking sore tomorrow!

  “Sorry,” I mutter, incredibly embarrassed. I can feel my cheeks turn to a crimson red.

  He looks up to me and I can’t read his expression. “No, oh no Lexi, please don’t be sorry. Shit, I just didn’t realize…” he pauses and looks back down. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  Surprising the two of us, I end up giggling. He cocks his head to the side and watches me with an astonished look. “Lets just forget the awkwardness of the situation. I’m in the mood for some bacon and eggs.”

  His smile returns and he slides off the bed. “I have some shorts and tee-shirts in the dresser, put on whatever you want. I’ll get the bed changed and start on some bacon and eggs.”

  I climb off his bed and head over to the dresser, pulling out a large tee-shirt and a pair of his boxers instead of shorts. Not liking to be barefoot, I also grab on a pair of his socks, and once my high heels are finally off I slide the socks on. Once I walk into the bathroom and clean myself up, I put on the clothes before meeting Tanner in the kitchen.

  Not embarrassed one bit about shoveling the food into my mouth, I swallow and tell him how amazing the food is, even with a bit of a moan. He laughs and steals a slice of my bacon and we both relax at the kitchen table.

  He put on some television while he was cooking, and since we can see the TV from the kitchen table, we both have conversation on the commercials about absolutely nothing in particular. Its one of the most relaxing situations I’ve found myself in, in well, a long time.

  When my food is empty, Tanner gets up, grabbing my plate with his and he brings them to the sink. “Want a drink?” he asks.

  I look over and shake my head. “No thanks. I’m surprised I’m not even drunk anymore. I drank way too much tonight.”

  He pauses and looks to be thinking on something. Something unpleasant at that. He then looks at me and bites down on his lip for a moment. “I didn’t, um, take advantage of you did I? I mean, you’re not going to wake in the morning and not remember anything, right?” My heart actually swells at the fact he looks so nervous and unsure of himself. Not many guys would be gentlemen enough to worry about something like that.

  I smile to reassure him. “Tanner, I’ll never regret what just happened. And I’ll absolutely always remember it.” And that, right there, is so incredibly honest that I actually surprise myself a little.

  I watch as relief takes over. “Thank God,” he whispers more to himself. “Well then,” he says with a whole new attitude. “I’m exhausted and I got to work in, oh,” he looks over to the clock, “shit, three hours. So what do you say?” His thumb points back down the hallway towards his room.

  Butterflies take residence in my stomach at the thought of sleeping in his bed with him. Which, of course, is ridiculous considering what just happened. Either way, I’m nervous, but I still smile and nod my head. Standing up, I walk down the hall after Tanner, who turns off lights and electronics on the way to his room.

  Once we’re in there, I slide into one side while he takes the other. He adjusts his alarm clock and turns off his bedside lamp before settling into the bed more. I lay flat on my back, looking up to the ceiling, wondering how I’m supposed to act. Do I lay on my side and cuddle with him? Lay on my opposite side and let him cuddle with me? Do I lay as I am and pretend this is normal? Oh crap, I seriously have no idea!

  Tanner’s hand glides over his shirt, across my stomach, and he gives me a slight pull into him. He is on his side, facing me, I can feel him as his warm breath tickles the side of my neck and ear. “Good night, Lexi,” he whispers.

  I turn my head to face him and smile, even though he can’t really see me. Is this what it feels like to have someone care? Or is this simply a one night stand? Well crap, I didn’t think about that. “Goodnight Tanner,” I whisper back. He lays his lips to mine for a quick moment until he settles even closer to me. His face rests next to my head while I look back up to the ceiling.

  I’m not sure what I just got myself into. I’m not sure I want to know. All I know is that tonight was incredible, and tomorrow is just another day. I may have to dig myself out of another situation, but only time will tell. The only thing I do know for certain is, I need to stop making a mess of things while I’m in town.

  Each day has a beginning,

  And each day has an end,

  But life really is never quite as simple as that.

  -Ashley M. Beale

  “I’m sorry!”

  “Yeah, whatever,” Bray tells me over the phone. “its fine anyways, I felt bad that I had left you alone. I really didn’t mean to, so I’m sorry as well.”

  Relief washes over me. I knew she’d be somewhat upset, that part wasn’t really all that surprising, it was when she just yelled at me, her voice full of panic. She thought I too
k off, again. Of course I wouldn’t do that a second time! Lesson learned, that is for sure.

  I smile, even though she can’t see me over the other line. “You’re forgiven as well.” I snuggle more to Tanner’s pillow, enjoying the puffiness and comfort of the pillow. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to be, nothing to do, so I may as well relax and enjoy myself. That is something I haven’t done, since, well, I can’t remember when.

  “So where are you anyways?” Bray asks.

  Oh. What am I supposed to say? Do I tell her a lie or the truth? I don’t want to lie, but I can’t just come out and say, well, I had sex with your brother last night. That is why I ditched you last night. Now I’m laying in his bed, in his boxers and tee, snuggling to his pillow. Yeah, that’d work out just swell.

  “In bed,” I tell her. Well, its not a lie, but its not the exact truth.

  She starts to laugh, like she knows its not my own bed. “Well, I can see why you took off then. Was he good?”

  My face burns with embarassement and I’m so glad no one can see me right now. “You could say that.”

  “Details!” she yells.

  I cringe. She doesn’t want details, that much is for sure. What to do- what to do- what to do. “I need to call Justin and check in on him. I’ll talk to you later. Thanks for last night!” I hang up before she can say anything. All I hear before it goes silent is her laughter. I’m sure she is going to rag me later about details, but for now, I don’t feel like telling her how large and wonderful her brother is in the sack.

  Not completely lying, I call Justin to check in on him. Well, Gunner technically. “Yo,” he answers.

  “Really?” I laugh softly. He doesn’t say anything, so I continue. “Just checking to see how its going to Justin.”

  “Oh, right, yeah, sorry. I didn’t even look at the caller ID. He’s doing great, actually. Thanks for letting me take him out. I told him if he wants to continue coming out here and helping me, that I’d pay him five an hour under the table. He is out on the tractor right now, moving the hay from the stable to the stalls.”

  “Wow, that is awesome. Did he say if he wanted to or not?”

  “Oh yeah, he was thrilled. He said he was going to ask you when he got home tonight. I should have him back to Clay’s around four. How does that sound?”

  I look over to the clock to see its just after eight in the morning. What am I going to do all day? And how the heck am I going to get home? Well, I’ll think about that after I get off the phone with my brother. “Sounds awesome, I’ll see you then.” I hope.

  The phone clicks off before he even says anything and I sigh before sinking down into the bed more. Its probably the most comfortable bed I’ve ever been in and I could find myself sleeping here all day. If I had the mentality to do so.

  Instead, I decide to climb out of bed, and once I use the facilities, I make my way into the kitchen. There is a yellow note pad thrown down on the kitchen table with guy scribble on it. Didn’t have ur cell #- text me, and then he wrote down his number. I grabbed my phone without second thought and sent out a text message to him.

  Hey, its Lexi.

  Yeah, I wasn’t sure what more to say. I could go ahead and tell him I’m cooking in his kitchen, and watching his television while lounging on his couch and in his clothes, but I assume he already knows all that. Besides that, or saying ‘thanks for the fun last night, I’m not too sore, like I thought I’d be’ I can’t think of what else to say. So the simple message works just fine.

  I don’t get a message back immediately, so I decide to start cooking breakfast for myself. Not that I usually eat much for breakfast, and I just had bacon and eggs not to many hours ago, so I decide to eat a banana, dipping it in peanut butter. Oh, and a large glass of iced orange juice.

  After an hour of not hearing anything, and not wanting Faith, Bray, or anyone else to have to come get me, I decide to get up and shower. I rummage through Tanner’s drawers again, grabbing shorts this time instead of boxers, and a beater instead of a tee-shirt, since its extremely hot and humid. I’m not sure I can get used to this weather again. I sure hope Justin is doing fine out on the farm. I hope Gunner and whoever hydrates him and uses plenty of sunscreen.

  I instantly fall in love with Tanner’s shower. It has double heads and the pours down on me like a rain storm. I’m locked in the square, glass stand up shower stall, and the steam invades my surroundings, lulling me into a peaceful bliss. I start humming out a Britney Spears song when the shower opens up and I’m engulfed in the cooler air.

  “What the-“ I turn quickly and see Tanner standing before me, in all his naked glory, already ready for another round of something. I take a step back, pinning myself to the wall of the shower, while Tanner steps in and closes the door behind him.

  We’re pretty tight fit, that much is for sure, and it’s a little awkward having him poke me from his erection. I’m not sure how he could be turned on already, but I’m not going to question it much.

  “I came home sick from work,” he claims before taking my lips to his. They move together in perfect harmony and when his tongue pushes at my lips, I open up to him, allowing him access to caress the inside of my mouth.

  My hands brush up his arms until I’m at his shoulders and his hands meet my hips. He lifts me up and naturally my legs surround his waist. Pulling his face away, he rains kisses along with the droplets of water going down my jaw line and neck. “Shit, I was going to wait until we were in the bedroom, but I don’t think I can wait.”

  As much as I want it, I know I can’t right here. “Tanner, I’m not on anything.”

  He pauses with his erection at my entrance and looks at me, at first confused, then purely disappointed once it hits him. “Damn, I didn’t think about that.” His lips meet mine again, and instead of doing anything, he holds me in place while we kiss.

  I never got this experience. Not like this. I had Zander, for so long, and we kissed, we fooled around, but this sudden lustful infatuation I’m experiencing with Tanner, its unlike anything I’ve known. I’ve read about it, but I always thought it was simply in adult fairy tales, not in real life. Not like this. And I certainly never thought it’d happen to me.

  After a few moments, I pull back and simply smile at Tanner. “I need to finish washing up.”

  He chuckles and allows me down. “Fine, I guess I may as well, too.”

  We both nearly have a contest as to who can wash up the fastest and take turns rinsing our lathered up hair. Once we’re both washed and rinsed, Tanner gets out and dries, handing me a towel to do the same.

  With the towel wrapped around me, I brush out my hair quickly and race after him down the hallway. Once we both get into his room, he rips the towel of me and throws to it the floor to meet his. He doesn’t hesitate tossing me on the bed, which has me squealing with excitement.

  As I’m rummaging through Tanner’s kitchen cabinets to find something to eat, he comes strolling in, completely fixed up in new attire. Damn if it doesn’t look amazing on him. I have to turn my attention quickly back to what I was doing, not wanting him to know I’m secretly fixated on him. I’m not really sure when it happened, or if its strictly sexual chemistry, but just hearing his voice gives me tingles everywhere, starting near my heart.

  “What are you doing?” he asks. I look over my shoulder once more and see him sorting through bills placed on the counter top.

  “You said you were sick, I’m finding some broth so I can make soup.” I look back up and move over some boxed rice to find the canned goods. There is no broth, but there are two cans of chicken noodle soup, and I decide that is good enough. I’ll just make some grilled cheese to go along with it.

  He chuckles behind me as I start preparing things. “I just wanted to come back to you. I couldn’t stop thinking about last night.”

  My body freezes and I swallow the nervousness I have arising. I turn suddenly and stare at him intently, while he acts so nonchalant I’m unsure if I just heard him correctl
y. “Excuse me?”

  He looks up and one of his brows lift, questioning my sudden terror of the situation. “I thought last night was incredible.” I can see his cheeks turn a slight hue of pink and it almost makes me smile. Almost.

  “Oh.” I turn back around and start opening the cans, and pulling bread out of the bag so I can butter them up.

  I can feel Tanner’s body close to mine just as I grab the knife to start slicing pickles. His lips come close to my ear and with humor in his voice, he asks, “why are you cutting up pickles for chicken noodle soup and toast?”

  I have to actually swallow so that when I speak it doesn’t come out as a stutter. This has become completely preposterous. My first adult relationship- not that is even what this is- and I’m acting like a giant ball of crazy!

  Exhaling the stress through my nose, I smile sweetly and do my best to act like the grown up I’m supposed to be. “I’m not making toast, I’m making grilled cheese. I happen to like pickles on my grilled cheese, with an extra slice of cheese in there. I can make yours however though.”

  With his face one side of mine, he reaches around the other side of my body, skimming down my arm until he grabs a pickle from the jar, then his arm goes around my front side until he takes a bite out of the pickle. “I’ll try anything once.” He presses his lips to my ear, making me nervous all over again, before walking away from me altogether.

  Ignoring the situation completely, and pushing back my sudden realization of feelings that came from nowhere, I finish preparing us a lunch.

  Tanner takes one large bite from his grilled cheese and smiles between bites. “This is good,” he says, raising the other portion of his uneaten sandwhich.

  I smile with a small giggle. Giggle? Gosh! “Told you.” I wink my eye and I eat my food. We both continue in silence but every so often we catch each other’s gaze and smile at one another.

  I’m in so much trouble with this guy and whatever this is between us.

  Once cleaned up from lunch, including the dishes being washed, I slide back into my clothing from yesterday. I’m kind of sad to see his clothing go, and I get butterflies over the thought of coming back again one night soon. With Justin helping Gunner during the work week, and everyone else working, I’m sure I could sneak over here on more than one occasion. But then, I have to think about the fact that I cannot get involved with him for many reasons- one being that I’m leaving in just a few weeks, another being that I still can’t look or think about Zander without wanting to make sweet, passionate love to him, and never letting him go. Given the choice, there really isn’t a choice, because Zander has been the love of my life since I was thirteen years old.