Burning Attraction Page 9

  Chapter 9: Surprises

  Friday night I decide that I am not going anywhere. I have too much to think about, too much to process. I'm sitting on the couch, sulking in self misery with a pint of Ben and Jerry's, my sweats, and reality television. Tonight I'm going to be all alone because Aubrey is going on a date with Mason. Their second one so far. There is a knock on the door, which means that Mason is here to pick Aubrey up. She yells from the bedroom, so I get up and make my way to the door.

  I open it up and swing my arm out, telling Mason he can enter, then I shut the door behind him and make my way back to the couch. I hear Mason laugh as he takes the recliner. "You look like you're ready for a night out partying."

  "Ha, ha, you're so funny," I say sarcastically, not even looking in his direction.

  "So word is you're single," Mason states.

  I look over at him, glaring, not impressed by his matter-of-fact statement. "Seriously? Screw off Mason."

  He puts his hands up innocently. "Whoa, whoa, I'm not being a dick. Was just going to state that you should give Avery a call. He ain't doing much tonight."

  "Oh, so he isn't out fucking some slut again?" I look back at the TV and hope that Mason doesn't get the hint of how jealous I really am.

  "Um, I don't think so," he says with humor in his voice. I don't bother looking at him again, and Aubrey makes her way out just minutes later.

  "You two have fun," I say as they start to leave. Then I turn the volume up louder the second the door latches. I'm half way through an episode of Jersey Shore when there is another knock on the door. I wasn't expecting anyone, and quite frankly, I don't want to see anyone. I look like hell!

  I get up anyways and make my way towards the door, throwing it open. Avery is standing there with a giant smile and I'm instantly even angrier. I slam the door and walk back to the couch without saying anything. But, since I don't lock the door, Avery opens it up and walks in after me. "I didn't say you could enter."

  "I know," he says. He plops down on the couch next to me and doesn't say another word.

  We both finish watching Jersey Shore together in silence. When it finally ends, I grab the remote and go through my DVR list, trying to figure out which reality show is next. Avery reaches over and grabs the remote from my hand. "What are you doing?" I ask him.

  He looks me up and down and smiles. "I should be asking you the same."

  "What does that mean?" I snap.

  Avery grins at me in that boyish way that causes my heart to pump faster and faster. "You kind of look like shit," he laughs.

  "Screw you Avery, I'm not in the mood." I grab the remote back and just click on the first show I see, which happens to be True Blood. And of course, since I had started this episode earlier, it happens to be dead smack in the middle of an erotic scene.

  My face burns bright red with embarrassment as Avery bursts into laughter. I hurry up and just turn off the TV. "What the fuck was that? Do you record porn? Vampire porn?" he asks between laughs.

  I grab the blanket behind me and put it over my face, too embarrassed to even look at him right now. Avery pulls the blanket off me and shakes his head slightly, still laughing at me. "Stop laughing! It's not porn, it's True Blood you ass. I didn't know it'd be in the middle of that scene!"

  "I'm watching it," he grabs the remote off the coffee table and clicks the TV back on. The scene continues and I'm mortified, but continue to watch anyways. I love this show and wanted to finish this episode, just not with Avery next to me. I pretend it isn't, but right now, it's so awkward. It's hard for me not to notice the way he keeps glancing at me.

  I look back at him. "Why do you keep looking at me?"

  He winks at me, "because it's hot seeing you watch this shit. I'm pretty sure this is a fantasy coming true."

  My face warms up again. "You're not funny."

  "I'm not joking."

  "Whatever," I mumble, looking back at the show.

  Avery grabs at my shirt and pulls me towards him, causing my head to fall into his chest. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and we watch the show in silence. When the show is done I look up to Avery, his green eyes staring down at me. "You're so beautiful," he says so quietly I almost don't hear him.

  "I thought I looked like shit," I state back.

  He smiles with amusement. "You kind of do. But only because you look miserable, like you're over thinking things. You're still without a doubt the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. And Carson is a fuckin idiot for letting you go." He kisses my forehead and gives me a questioning look. "Can I ask why you guys broke up?"

  "You."

  His eyes widen, more in fear than anything else. "What is that supposed to mean?"

  I sigh before responding, "he asked if I loved you, I said yes. He asked if I kissed you, I said yes. And he said he needed a break. I tried to talk to him, but he doesn't want to talk to me. I didn't know we were broken up, I thought it was a temporary thing, but apparently not."

  "You love me?" he asks, his eyes suddenly darkening with lust.

  I nod my head yes, swallowing down a lump that has suddenly formed in my throat. Avery leans down and kisses my lips softly, his hand pushing my bangs out of my face, and some of my hair behind my ear as he pulls away. His eyes look back and forth between my two, causing me to feel admired.

  "Avery," I whisper, "it can't work."

  "Not right now it can't, but in time. I'll give you time Cassandra, but one day, you will be mine."

  "I know," I say, finally realizing I've been wrong. I am in love with Avery, I've just been pretending the best I can that I'm not, because I didn't want to lose Carson. But I have lost him, he is gone. He won't talk to me, he won't look at me. He is the one who has told everyone that we split. But I can't just jump into anything with Avery right now, because I'm already confused and too recently heart broken.

  Avery holds me a little tighter and changes the channel to King of the Hill. We used to watch this show together a lot when we were little, so it feels right watching it with him now. We just cuddle on the couch and watch a marathon of this show for hours.

  I wake up, still on the couch and I feel an arm around my waist. Looking behind me, I see Avery is passed out, cuddling close to me. Trying not to wake him up, I reach over and grab the remote, check the time on the TV, which says 3:28 in the morning, then I turn the TV off. I roll so that I'm now facing towards Avery, and I give him a small kiss on the lips before snuggling close to him. Sleep takes back over just minutes later, and I dream of heaven all night long.

  When I wake up again, it's to the smell of bacon. I stretch out and notice immediately I'm alone on the couch, so I sit up and look around. I spot Avery in the kitchen, still in his clothes from yesterday, standing over my stove. I get up from the couch and run into the bathroom before he can see me. I brush my teeth and comb through my hair before throwing it into a pony tail. I add a little deodorant and change into a tighter tee-shirt. Walking back into the kitchen, I watch as Avery puts eggs, bacon, toast and slices of oranges onto two plates. Then he walks over to the fridge and pours two glasses of apple juice.

  He looks my way as he sets the plates and drinks onto the table. "Just going to watch me or you going to join me?"

  I smile at him and walk towards the table, not taking my eyes off his. I sit in my seat. "Thank you, this looks delicious." As I take a bite of eggs a moan escapes my lips without even meaning to.

  Avery coughs out a snort before he takes a bite of his bacon and looks at me. "You cant make noises like that around me. Not unless we're," he nods towards my bedroom and winks at me. Then he looks down at his plate, finishing his bacon.

  I'm not sure what to say so I just giggle and continue eating my food. When I'm done, I get up and rinse off my plate. "Thanks again Avery, that was amazing," I say, rubbing my belly.

  "You're welcome Angel," he says, following after me to rinse his plate off. "What are your plans today?"

  I tap on my finger on my chin while I
press my lips together. "Hm, not a clue."

  "Good, go get showered and dressed."

  "Where are we going?" I smile bright, excited!

  He chuckles, "like I'd tell you. You know better than that. Just wear sneakers."

  An hour later we are pulling into the parking lot of Sea World. I look over to Avery, "Sea World?"

  He smiles at me, showing all his pearly white teeth. "Yup!"

  We walk into the gates and Avery pays for our tickets. Then we walk around the park, taking everything in. I haven't been here since I was maybe ten, which is sad since it's right here in San Diego. A lot has changed since the last time I've been here, and when I was here last, I was too afraid of some of the rides, so this is actually more exciting than I'd ever imagine.

  Avery takes me on all the rides, twice. I feel like a little girl all over again but I'm loving every second of it. When I'm hungry I let Avery know and he takes me into one of the restaurants located in Sea World and we eat hot dogs and french fries. Since it's not the best choice of food for rides, we end up at an exhibit, then decide to go to one of their shows right after. As soon as the show is done we decide on greasy pizza and soda. I'm sure I'll gain ten pounds when you add in the cotton candy I made Avery buy me too, but it'd be worth it after a day like this.

  "I want to see the animals," I tell him when we walk past their habitats.

  Avery laughs at me, "of course you do, let’s go."

  We hold hands as we look at all the different animals and make jokes about some of them. The monkeys are my favorite, well they were, until I saw one eat its own poop. Gross! It caused me to be done with those, so Avery walks me into the aquarium. It feels like we're in a paradise as we watch all the different sea creatures swim around us and over us. It makes everything romantic between the two of us too, but there is no kissing or anything more than holding hands. One day when I get married, I want it to be in this spot right here. It's just the most beautiful place I've ever seen.

  As we're getting ready to leave I hear what sounds like bombs going off. I turn around to see fireworks lighting up the sky. "Can we stay a few more minutes?" I ask Avery, watching the display of colors blast into the sky.

  "You know we can," he says, watching me watch the fireworks. When they are done, I look up at Avery and he is still starring down at me. "You look so happy."

  "I am, thank you so much. For everything today. It was perfect."

  He looks me in the eyes, his are sparkling. "You're perfect." Before I can say anything he leans down and brushes his lips against mine. When he pulls back he smiles bigger than I've seen in a long time. "Come, let’s get you tucked in, you've got to be exhausted."

  On the drive home I talk about how disgusting the monkeys were. Avery just laughs and jokes with me, telling me I look like the monkeys. It's fun to just be free with him. Not to be too serious. It is like when we were little, friends that got along, who joke and tease each other. Everything is just how I want it to be. I'm happy, finally.

  Avery drops me back off at home, walking me to my door, but not coming in. He gives me one more kiss on the lips before he turns and leaves. I press my fingers to my lips, trying to hold his kiss to me. It feels amazing when he just presses his lips to mine, I cannot imagine how blissful it'll be when we move past that point. That is, if we do.

  Chapter 10: Decisions

  My bed dips, waking me up Sunday morning, and I open my eyes to see Aubrey looking down at me. She has two cups of coffees in her hand, so I sit up and take one from her. "Thanks," I mumble out.

  "We haven't gotten to talk since Thursday, and I think it's time. You wanna go first or me?"

  "You can Aubrey, I'm still too tired," I say before a large yawn escapes my mouth.

  Aubrey goes on and on about her weekend with Mason, talking about how perfect he is, and how much she likes him. They made it official last night, and she seems incredibly happy. The entire time she talks she has a smile on her face, and can't help but giggle out different details. I'm extremely happy for her and listen to all her stories of the weekend. Next weekend they are meeting her parents and the following week they're meeting his for Thanksgiving.

  "So, is this going to work you think, or are you giving up when the honeymoon stage dies out?" I ask her. I really want them to work out for a while. I asked Avery every question I could about Mason yesterday, making sure he really was good enough for my best friend. He seems perfect, and even more so, he really makes Aubrey happier than I've seen her.

  "Honestly, I think so. We'll see of course, but for the first time, I really want to stick with him. Okay, now you. What is going on with Avery?" Aubrey asks when she is obviously done discussing her love life.

  I shrug, "I'm not sure. We both do love each other, and he has been wonderful. But we both agree it wouldn't work out right now, so he said he will give me time. We've only kissed, and I'm glad in some weird way. I don't want to rush into sex and get even more confused that I've been."

  "What have you guys been doing?"

  "Well, Friday night he came over and we cuddled on the couch and watched TV, then yesterday he brought me to Sea World and we stayed there until almost ten last night. He just dropped me off after and left."

  She thinks on my words for a second, "well I think you're smart. Taking it slow. I know he adores you, Mason tells me all about it, but I do think you need to sit and have a conversation with Carson for your own sake. You guys need to just have a real closure. You told him you'd fight for him and you gave up, he says he is going to call you and doesn't. That isn't a way to end a perfectly wonderful relationship. I know it's been eating at you."

  "You're right, it has," I admit. "I'm just nervous. What if we get back together and I break Avery's heart? Or what if he wants to get back together and I say no? Or what if he wants nothing to do with me and my heart breaks all over again?"

  "If I told you to choose right now, who would you choose? If only one could be in your life and you'd never get to talk to the other, who would it be?"

  I have to think on it and I honestly couldn't choose. "Aubrey, I don't know. If either of them ever stopped completely talking to me, I'd die. This is the hardest decision in my life. I've only known Carson for two and half months, yet we share an unexplainable connection where we just get along, we understand each other, we can talk for hours on end and never get bored. With Avery, we argue, I get pissed at him, but I wouldn't change that about him. I loved him when we were younger, and I think that is the reason my feelings are so strong for him now. But I lost him once and can never do it again. I just can't choose."

  Aubrey has a sad smile. "I'm so sorry Cassie, that has to be hard. Maybe you should take the friendship route with both of them, and in time maybe things will get less confusing. Just talk with them, be as honest as you possibly can be with each of them. Maybe it's best there isn't kissing or sex or any of that with either of them. You said it yourself, it'd just make things more confusing."

  "Honestly Aubrey, that is the best advice I've ever been given. Thank you." I pull her into a hug. "I'm going to talk with them both and see how it goes. I'll call Carson after my shower and see if he wants to talk soon. That is, if he answers."

  Aubrey leaves me alone, and I sit and think on her words. I'm not sure what I'm going to say to either of them, or when they'll let me sit down and have the conversation, but I will do my best to try with each of them. I guess this will test things too, because maybe one of them will get pissed and leave. I hope not, but it's a possibility. Things don't always work out as smoothly as we plan for them to.

  I take a shower and get dressed as nicely as I can. I practice a speech in my head over and over, before I finally grab my phone and push on Carson's name. His face comes into view on my phone, and I smile down at it, I miss seeing that face in person. I hit the call button, waiting for an answer. It goes to voicemail after a handful of rings, so I just end the call. As I'm placing the phone back down, it starts ringing in my hand, and it's Carso
n's ring tone. "Hello?" I breathe out.

  Hearing Carson's chuckle causes my heart to do somersaults. "Hey there beautiful. I was starting to think I'd never hear from you."

  "I was giving you your space," I say with a mixture of pain and happiness. "How have you been?"

  "I've been alright, and you?"

  I have to take several breathes again. "I've been okay. Um Carson, can we sit down and talk? Like, in person. I'm still confused by a lot."

  "Yeah, I think that’s a real good idea," he says. "Are you busy today?"

  I smile, even though he can't see my face. "No."

  "Alright, I'll be over soon. See you then." Before I can even say bye he hangs up the phone.

  I grab the pillow behind me and shove it into my face, screaming into it. It releases a lot of stress and actually feels amazing. Now to wait. This isn't going to be fun at all. I wonder how long until he is here. Is he on his way or is he going to make me wait a few hours? Shit. I don't want to text him and ask.

  Unsure of what to do, I decide to get into the fridge and take out the bottle of wine that has been sitting in there. I fill a glass up and slowly sip on it. Aubrey must be gone because I haven't heard from her since I got in the shower. I keep rehearsing what I'm going to say to Carson and before I know it, it's been an hour and three minutes, and I've drank three glasses of wine. A knock on the door jumps me. I rush over and put the bottle of wine in the fridge, rinse out the glass and answer the door.

  "Hey Carson." I smile, opening the door.

  "Hey beautiful," he says, looking me up and down. "You look good."

  I can feel myself blush, although, that may be the drinks I just had. "Thanks. Come in."

  We sit down at the kitchen table and Carson is eyeing me with suspicion. "Um, Cassie?"

  "Yeah?"

  "Have you," he looks around before looking back at me, "been drinking?"

  Shit, shit, shit! I didn't mean to drink this much, and now since it's only eleven in the morning, I probably look like a freakin lush. I press my lips together and look down at the table, not exactly sure if I should be honest. But then I remember what Aubrey said, I need to be honest- and that means even admitting that I'm close to being drunk.