It Was You Page 7

  "Jaron," I whisper. He jumps out of his skin, blinking a few times until he's focused on me once more.

  Lifting his lips, he pretends to smile, not fooling me one bit. He has a painful past as well. "We don't have to talk about it, but if you want to, I'm here for you, Ravyn. I'm your friend."

  "Why are you being a friend to me? You don't even know me."

  "I don't have to know you to know that you don't deserve that shit. I knew you were different, I knew you had pain from the first time I met you, and I had an idea there was shit going on behind closed doors, but that... I didn't expect you let someone hurt you like that."

  His words cut me. I don't know what to say to him. "I'm an idiot," I admit out loud. I've told myself that many times, but I finally find the encouragement to say it to another person.

  "Yeah, that you may be, but you don't deserve to be hurt that way. Ever."

  "I let it happen." I use his words to remind him that I do in fact deserve everything I allow into my life.

  Jaron stands from his bed to walk over to me. He comes down towards me, causing me to fall back on the bed while he places his hands on either side of me. His face inches in front of me, making my heart thump in a way it hasn't in years- since Kyler spoke to me the first time.

  His lips spread into a cocky smile, one I honestly don't care for, except that it makes him look absolutely beautiful. His eyes, mainly brown tonight, tell me more things than his words do. "I get it. It's easy for one to judge when they're not in your situation," he whispers against my lips. "I won't judge you anymore, Ravyn, as long as you don't go back to him."

  I manage to breathe out the word, "Okay," but honestly, I'm not sure how. Not with him this close to me.

  "Don't be scared to stand up for yourself and to follow your dreams. You deserve nothing but the best."

  Lifting my chin towards him, I press my lips softly against his. He stays frozen against me for all of a second before lifting himself entirely off me. My heart breaks from the rejection. It hurts to know he doesn't think of me that way, but I shouldn't have expected it. He hasn't given me a reason to believe that he's interested in me in any other way than a friend.

  Running his hands through his thick, dark hair, he looks towards the window covered in a floral curtain. Apparently he finds more to appreciate in that curtain than he does with me, because it sure gets a lot of his attention. My body jolts a little when I hear his voice fill the room once more. "It's not that I don't want to Ravyn, because trust me I do, but you deserve better than me."

  "It's fine," I tell him.

  "It's not fine," he replies with a fire in his voice. I can't tell if he's angry at himself or at me- probably both. "I have secrets too, ones you definitely wouldn't understand even if I explained them to you. You have a future ahead of you, you don't need someone like me holding you back. I won't hold you back. I'm your friend, okay? Just your friend." With a question still in his voice, he turns towards me to gauge my reaction.

  I simply smile at him, nodding my head to answer.

  "Then... let's get some rest," he adds.

  "Are we going back home tomorrow?"

  "Do you want to go back home?"

  I shrug my shoulders because I'm honestly unsure. I don't but then again... I do. It's an odd feeling because I thought if I ever got away from home I wouldn't miss it, but I feel like I have too much unfinished business- and too many belongings left back there. "I don't have any clothes."

  "Then we'll head back in the morning."

  "Why did you bring me here anyways?" I look around once more at the cheap motel with the even cheaper decor.

  "I know people," is his vague response.

  "How long were you planning to stay?"

  With a shrug, he answers, "I have to go back to work on Tuesday."

  "I'll stay," I say, surprising us both.

  Jaron tilts his head as he looks at me, staring curiously into my eyes. I wish he would have allowed me to kiss him a few seconds longer. I want to feel sparks and witness fireworks. I feel like if our lips collide full force I'll get those things for the first time in my life.

  Stripping from his shirt he tosses it to me. "I'm going to take a shower, wear this to bed so you're comfortable. I'll get you clothes tomorrow."

  It takes all my effort not to examine his body. Instead I give a weak attempt of a smile and nod my head, squeaking out a small, "Okay."

  While Jaron is in the bathroom I pull my cellphone from my pocket. It's blown up with text messages from Dawn, wondering where I am, what happened, and if the rumors were true. I can only imagine what's been spread around at this point, but honestly I don’t even care. I don't care about one damn thing. The only other thing on my phone is a message from Bruce, curious as to where I am and when I'll be home.

  I power down my phone, not wanting to deal with the mess of reality. I want it all to disappear from my life forever. Slapping the phone down on the table, I strip entirely of my clothes, leaving on my underwear, then I pull Jaron's shirt over my head. It smells masculine, exactly like him. I pull the fabric up to my nose and inhale deeply, loving the comfort it brings me in an instant.

  The water turns on in the bathroom and I find myself wondering what Jaron looks like naked. I shouldn't have those thoughts. I've learned what being with an attractive, dominate male has gotten me. With all honestly I don't think Jaron is anywhere near the same to Kyler, but I wouldn't know. I don't know much about him at all except that he has skeletons hanging in his closet as well.

  When the water shuts off, I change the channel on the TV to find anything to distract me from the visions inside my head. He comes out moments later surrounded by the steam of the shower, wearing his jeans and a pair of boxers playing peek-a-boo above them. He pushes back his dripping wet hair while glancing over at the television. I finally get a glimpse at the tattoo on his side. There is so much detail in such a simple picture of a falling angel dressed in a gown that bellows out around her. The wind taking her from the dark sky to a beautiful heaven. I want to ask about it, the question remaining on the tip of my tongue, but the words don't escape. We said we weren't asking about one another’s secrets, so my mouth remains shut as I focus back onto the TV show I picked.

  Jaron collapses on the other bed, his face down into the pillow. I can imagine the bike ride exhausted him, he was driving the whole time, keeping his concentration on the road while I just sat there, hanging on, mainly keeping my eyes closed while I thought over and over about what I'll do when I return home.

  "Thank you," I finally say out loud. I realize I hadn't said it up until now.

  Turning his head to face me, he gives a small smile that doesn't seem any more sincere than my words. "I'd have wanted someone to save me, too."

  "I'm scared to go back," I admit. Somehow now that he knows that secret of mine, I feel like I can admit a few things here and there. I’m not sure if he wants to hear it, but I tell him anyways.

  We stare at each other for a few moments and I watch as his eyes soften. "Don't be. I'll kill him if I have to, Ravyn. I'll protect you."

  Although my heart flutters at the thought of Jaron being my white knight, I know that there is only so much he can do to protect me. Then I remember his fist shaking earlier, he didn't hit Kyler like I thought he would have. Dawn's words echo in my head with what Jaron just said. "Why are you here? Why are you back in Arlington? I know we said we'd mind each other’s business and what have you, but..."

  "But you've heard things," he adds, already knowing what I was going to say. I nod my head to answer him. Leaning onto his elbows, he looks down at the pillows beneath him rather than at me. "I made some mistakes, Ravyn. Some that I don't want to think of but I'm reminded of every single damn day. Things I can't change. I'm here because I'm required to be, and when my community service bullshit is done, I'll be gone again." When Jaron looks at me this time, everything about his appearance has changed. He now looks... pained. "Which is why I can't kiss you."


  "Can I ask one question, then I'll leave you alone about it all?"

  Nodding his head slowly he allows me to continue.

  "Did you kill someone?"

  When his only response is to stare at me I'm not sure if I should be scared or not. We both have a staring contest but I'm the first to give up. Falling back into the pillow, I remain focused on the television the rest of the night until my eyes become too heavy. I can hear a soft purr of a snore before my eyes close altogether and I fall asleep.

  Chapter Eight

  The motel requires us to be out by ten and doesn't even serve a free breakfast like many do. My stomach rumbling reminds me that I have no spare cash for food nor anything else. "Maybe we should go back after all," I tell Jaron as we walk to his bike.

  "Why?" He asks, peaking over his shoulder at me. He has bags under his eyes. He probably didn't sleep for shit last night. I’m curious if my question ate at him. I feel like a ass hat for asking, even though I think I have the right to know if I was sleeping less than four feet away from someone who killed another person.

  "I don't have money," I answer. "I have no way to pay for food or anything else."

  "Don't worry about it. I got it."

  "I'm not asking you for anything. I don't want a handout."

  He comes to a complete stop before he gets to his bike, causing me to nearly run into him. "I'm not giving you a handout, but I'm helping you out. If you don't like it, pay me when we get back, but if money is your only reasoning for going back, then we're not going back."

  I bite down on my lip as I stare at Jaron. In all honestly I'd like to stay. I think I need this, to get away for a while, to clear my mind and focus on other things in the world rather than my shit home life and the people who don't care about me.

  When I still don't say anything after a minute Jaron gives a long sigh. "We're staying then. We have a bit of a ride ahead of us, so we'll stop for breakfast in a little while."

  "Where are we going?"

  "Bristol."

  I don't ask why. Instead I climb onto the back of the motorcycle. The morning air is crisp and cool, but it feels good against my skin, even if a little chilly. We stop for breakfast at Denny's and the entire time Jaron seems distant- almost as though he's lost. He doesn’t eat anything except a slice of bacon, and drinks only a coffee. I’m not much of a morning eater either, but I have no idea when we’ll eat again, so I do my best to fill up. Mainly I remain silent, saying a few things here and there. Jaron does even less speaking.

  Three hours later we're in Bristol and I'm already hungry but too scared to tell him that. He parks outside of a tall blue apartment building in a dumpy part of the neighborhood. There are porches going up the building with stairs connecting each one. Toys are thrown about on one of the porches, clothes are hung on a line on a different porch, broken glass is in front of one of the doors, and on the last porch an old man is drinking brandy straight from the bottle while sitting in a rocking chair.

  Jaron gives him a head nod then knocks on the door in front of him.

  "Colin's probably still passed the fuck out," the old man says.

  "Thanks Pap." When he opens the door and heads right in, I follow quickly, giving a small smile to the man he called Pap.

  "Yo, Colin," Jaron yells out as we head down a hall covered in wood panel. It's dark and dingy in the apartment, almost reminding me of my home, except that it smells more like weed than cigarettes. The last door in the hall opens up and before us stands a tall, lengthy guy that is probably in his late twenties rolling what I assume to be a joint between his fingers.

  "Fuck, wasn't expecting to see you around here Jay Jay."

  Jay Jay? I didn’t realize he had a nickname.

  I watch as they give each other props, then his buddy looks over Jaron's shoulders to me. "Who's the chick?"

  "This is Ravyn, Ravyn, this is my main man Colin."

  "Hi," I say quietly, giving him a small wave.

  "Sup?" He nods his head. Holding the joint up in his hand, he says, "You smoke?"

  "No," I answer quickly. It's the same as drinking- I don't want to get to the point of not having control over myself, so I won't even take a hit. I don't know how I'll react if I try.

  Jaron pushes Colin's hand away. "Dude, I can't smoke anyways. You know that."

  "Fuck, that's right, probation sucks dick." Colin puts the joint behind his ear. "Fuck it, I'll smoke it later. So what's up man, what are you doing here?" He walks backwards into the room he just came from, as Jaron and I follow him in.

  I sit next to Jaron on a couch that is covered in three different blankets with a variety of colors and sizes, while his friend Colin sits in a computer chair, turning the radio up. Some gangster rap shit thumps through the speakers. I have no idea what I just got myself involved in by joining Jaron on this adventure.

  "Needed to get out of that place. You have no idea how claustrophobic I feel already."

  "You've been there all of two weeks."

  "And it's already hell."

  "Fuck man, too bad you can't smoke."

  I decide that now is the perfect time to turn my phone back on. I don't care about seeing this side of Jaron, nor listening to the music playing on the radio. Dawn has sent over fifteen more messages just since last night, letting me know how angry she is with me for not at least answering her.

  Me: I'm fine.

  Only seconds pass by when I receive a message back.

  Dawn: Are you kidding me?! Why are you JUST NOW ANSWERING ME?!

  Me: I had my phone off...

  Dawn: Your mom is about to do a missing persons report. Your brother even came around to look for you. Are you with that Jaron guy?

  Me: No. I went for a long walk. I'll be back sometime in the next couple days.

  Dawn: Where are you? I'll come pick you up.

  Me: I'm fine.

  Dawn: Wow, Ravyn. You're being dramatic

  Me: ...Thanks

  "Who’s that?" Jaron asks. I look up to see Colin isn't even in the room right now. I don't have a clue how long since he walked out of the room.

  I glance back down to see another message from Dawn.

  "My friend."

  "Kyler?" I can hear the genuine concern in his voice.

  "No. Dawn." In fact, Kyler hasn't even tried to contact me. I'm quite surprised he hasn't at least sent one message to me or called, mainly for the sake he probably doesn't want me tell on him. Although I've been an idiot for this long, he probably knows that I'm not one to rat him out as he's put it before.

  Jaron slowly nods his head up and down. "She worried?"

  "I guess," I answer with a shrug. "I'm not really sure. She's acting it, but she's acting more pissed than anything."

  "You know he's lied to everyone, right?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "He got caught by more than one witness. He went to his dad, got a family lawyer involved, and is covering his ass. When we get back it's not going to be as if nothing happened, a lot of things will come to light. He's pissed his secret is out."

  "Oh." I stare back down at the new message from Dawn, telling me that I need to at least call my mom. "What if I don't want people to know? It's my secret too, and it's embarrassing."

  Jaron slides closer to me and without any kind of notice wraps me in his embrace. My body stiffens automatically but relaxes almost instantly after, allowing him to ease my mind. "Don't be embarrassed," he whispers in my ear. "Don't be scared, or ashamed, or anything else besides angry. You have every right to be that."

  "I let it happen."

  Pulling back some, Jaron stares down at me, hypnotizing me with those soft, multi-colored eyes of his. "You have more strength in you than you realize. You knew that if you told on him that he'd make you look like a fool, maybe even ruin your life. Hell, in the wrong situation he may have taken your life completely. You did what you needed to do to survive in a sense, even if you don't realize it."

  "How do you know so much about all
of this?"

  "My life has-"

  The door barges back open and Colin walks in with three other guys, one of them covered in dreadlocks wearing a Bob Marley shirt. Colin picks up a large Ziploc bag full of what I believe to be pot and tosses it at one of his buddies. "Freshly harvested."

  The guy opens the bag and takes a long sniff. "Fuck yeah, that's what I'm talking about it. How much you asking?"

  Ignoring them once more, I message Dawn back, telling her I'll call home. Jaron pats my leg before standing up, probably knowing this isn’t my kind of crowd. "I'll catch up with you soon, we're going to go grab something to eat."

  Colin only nods his head at us as he continues to talk about drugs to his friends. I'm thankful to get out of here, and I do not want to ever return. I hate anything to do with drugs, I've dealt with it all long enough.

  Down the road a ways we stop in at a bar. I can sense myself getting frustrated with all the nonsense this day has already brought- wearing the same clothes as yesterday, being around weed and loud rap music, now a bar. Apparently Jaron isn't the type of person I thought he was. Then again, I learned a while ago that no one is ever as they first appear.

  "You okay?" Jaron asks when we enter through the front door.

  "Yeah, I'm fine."

  He sighs heavily behind me while we walk towards the bar together. "Stop with the I'm fine bullshit. Talk with me, tell me how you really feel."

  I peak over at him curiously, wondering why he actually wants me to tell him how I feel, even if that means bitching and complaining- something most guys despise. It's really not worth the effort to explain my feelings, I've gone most of my life avoiding telling people how I feel, so instead I shrug it off. "I said I'm fine."

  Jaron actually rolls his eyes as he steps up to the bar. "A Sprite and a...?" He looks at me for an answer as to what I want to drink. I'm shocked that he didn’t pick an alcoholic beverage for himself, you know, since we're in a bar and all.

  "Um, a Diet Dr. Pepper is fine, thanks."